Being single

hello all you human beings ~ 

I know you guys must be wondering ... what's up with the title ... 

yes I'm single now, me & Mr.D broke up officially on the 12-11-2011 ... n it was on my dad's burfday ~ how nice ~

well how it did happened ?

2 weeks ago I've sent out all of my applications for uni via UCAS and from that on I was in great  pressure, so pressure until my whole body felt numb and I dunno why, is just that I suddenly have the urge to cut myself and during that time I don't feel any pain, just can feel my heart beat thumping within my cheeks ....

friends and family were so worried about me ... received emails/msgs in fb/sms/calls, I even received some regards from the friends that I'm not even close with except him .... 

he didnt send me anything and he didn't online .... and I didnt receive a single sms .....

ofcoz I'm not cutting myself to get his attention, but come on ... "I'm ur gf ..."

I was in huge depress been crying n struggling myself to sleep, I need someone to talk to, I need the man I love to comfort me and at least ask how am I .... when I'm down WHY is someoneelse who is taking his place n be there with me, that "someone" had took his place for far too long .... I thought he might be busy so he didn't notice the stuff that I posted in facebook or maybe he didn't have time to log into facebook ... but apparently he was on facebook .... so I decided to make a phonecall on thursday to see whether his ok ... but he was sleeping n he said he will call me next time, so on friday he did call me .... I wasn't happy when I received his phone call bcoz it did hit me that if I didnt make the phone call he will still can't be bothered to contact me .... it is such an obvious stage that he dosen't have feelings/cares about me ... he asked me to call him on saturday n so I did, I decided to break up with him and he said he was thinking about giving us some time out ... I told him we do not need time out, I think it might as well just end this ..... I blabed all the things to him, I even blab to him by saying I know u've been contacting with other gals and yet I do believe u have feelings with one of them, he didnt say anything .... 

what really frustrates me was, I was so darn hurt and I was crying, and yet he said "DONT CRY/DONT BE SAD." I SERIOSULY HATE THAT ! HOW ON EARTH THAT I WONT CRY/ BE SAD ! YOU TOLD ME U LOVE ME THE MOST AND ASKED ME TO BE WITH YOU UNTIL THE REST OF OUR LIFE .... YOU SAID SO MUCH STUFF THAT I DO HAVE HOPES IN YOU AND YET YOU DISSAPOINT ME ALL THE TIME ...

I cried so hard bcoz I'm dissapointed ... I am under pressure about uni/family problems/ end of relationship .... why am I chosen by him to get hurt and dissapointed ..... 

" why are you wasting your tears on someone who is not worth for you, he might be enjoying himself right now."

9/10 of my frens said that ... true ... but dont forget I have feelings for him .... is easy for u lot to say but is hard for u lot to feel how I'm feeling ....

I'm not going to contact him anymore, even if I go back to Malaysia saw him the in the streets I will act like I dont know him at all.

now I wonder whether he received the backpack, if he received it he can throw it away or give to his frens, I no longer care ... as long as he didnt send it back to me, p/s : DONT SEND IT BACK TO ME ....
  
"your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you." - Audrey Hepburn

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